Steam Traction World
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Joke of the Day...

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Joke of the Day... Empty Joke of the Day...

Post  Admin Sat 27 Jun 2009, 10:36 am

Steam Traction World Instruction Kit Terms.

STW: Rotate anticlockwise.
Translation: Clamp with mole grips then beat repeatedly with hammer anticlockwise.

STW: This is a snug fit.
Translation: You will skin your knuckles!

STW: This is a tight fit.
Translation: Not a hope in hell matey!

STW: As described in Chapter 7...
Translation: That'll teach you not to read through before you start, now you are looking at scary photos of the inside of a gearbox.

STW: Pry...
Translation: Hammer a screwdriver into...

STW: Undo...
Translation: Go buy a tin of WD40 (catering size).

STW: Retain tiny spring...
Translation: "Jeez what was that, it nearly had my eye out"!

STW: Press and rotate to remove bulb...
Translation: OK - that's the glass bit off, now fetch some good pliers to dig out the bayonet part.

STW: Lightly...
Translation: Start off lightly and build up till the veins on your forehead are throbbing then re-check the manual because this can not be 'lightly' what you are doing now.

STW: Weekly checks...
Translation: If it isn't broken don't fix it!

STW: Routine maintenance...
Translation: If it isn't broken... it's about to be!

STW: One spanner rating.
Translation: Your Mum could do this... so how did you manage to botch it up?

STW: Two spanner rating.
Translation: Now you may think that you can do this because two is a low, tiny, 'ikkle number... but you also thought the wiring diagram was a map of the Tokyo underground (in fact that would have been more use to you).

STW: If not, you can fabricate your own special tool like this...
Translation: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

STW: Compress...
Translation: Squeeze with all your might, jump up and down on, swear at, throw at the workshop wall, then search in the dark corner of the garage, whilst muttering "bugger" repeatedly under your breath.

STW: Inspect...
Translation: Squint at really hard and pretend you know what you are looking at, then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife "Yep, as I thought, it's going to need a new one"!

STW: Carefully...
Translation: You are about to cut yourself!

STW: Retaining nut...
Translation: Yes, that's it, that big spherical blob of rust.

STW: Get an assistant...
Translation: Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of someone you know.

STW: Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal.
Translation: But you swear in different places.

STW: Prise away plastic locating pegs...
Translation: Snap off...

STW: Using a suitable drift...
Translation: The biggest nail in your tool box isn't a suitable drift!

STW: Apply moderate heat...
Translation: Placing your mouth near it and huffing isn't moderate heat.

Half-inched from the Haynes manual instructions - but oh sooooo relevant!

Number of posts : 103
Registration date : 2008-06-13

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Joke of the Day... Empty Engineers...

Post  LilyJack Sat 27 Jun 2009, 6:06 pm

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called up to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool.

I want that Frog!!! hehe...

LilyJack Cool



Number of posts : 236
Location : UK
Registration date : 2009-04-01

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Joke of the Day... Empty Re: Joke of the Day...

Post  hughb Sat 27 Jun 2009, 9:48 pm

LilyJack wrote:To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

LilyJack Cool

JUST to let you guys know AS for me the glass IS not 1/2 FULL OR 1/2 EMPTY .
As I can just get another one !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!If there is aresson or not ??!!£$%%^
If this is ment to be funny ...WEll I am not chor????
or have I missed something ???

HO yes If I hit somethings with a hammer thay just flatten Twisted Evil Evil or Very Mad Crying or Very sad Cool Laughing Mad

Number of posts : 575
Age : 53
Location : hertfordshire
Registration date : 2009-03-13

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